“Sometimes, running away from a past you cannot change is the easiest way to move ahead…”
Have you ever felt the need to explain feelings you can’t express, memories you can’t erase and reasons you can’t elaborate? And these recurring thoughts of yours happen more often than you’d like. Being comfortable with the present is something we all fight with, we either live in the past or live in the future, the present is only a moment in preparation of future and a result of circumstantial decisions of the past. The person I was, is no longer the person I am, and definitely not the person I shall become.
But the past shall always have a louder howl, because memories stringed into your head are like echoes from the mountains of past, fading yet never-ending. And whether or not you like it, you shall hear these echoes every now and then, some laden with regret, some with guilt and only a few that shall make you beam with smile. Its the different shaded echoes which happen to have the same source that are the most haunting. And, in this continuous confusing mesh, the easiest way of escape is if you keep walking ahead, cover your ears tight and never look back.
Nostalgia though, is like the old wine that keeps tasting better as it gets older. The only difference is, that sometimes you lose the good wines on the way, and can only hope that you can find them someday later, again.
There might be moments that you miss, but you can never be sure if it was the people that made those moments or moments themselves, that happened in perfect time at the perfect place with the perfect placement of people. But eventually, the perennial flow of time washes us all, changing us as we grow older, mostly, we become those we never would have foreseen few years ago.
Sometimes you wish, you could go back and change the course of events or decisions, but even then, you can never really tell what they would have led to. In the end, all that remains is: what if? A question we wander about every now and then, when the wine of nostalgia spills by mistake. We drown in our whirlpool of emotions and imaginations until the wine stains are wiped away without a trace.
Its not about you or me. It was the way I felt when you were with me.
But isn’t it funny when you think that the world you lived in, including feelings of your own, were always only yours. No one will ever know what you went through or will go through, no one will ever know which decision to make when, no one will ever know what time is the perfect time.
So maybe, just maybe, “now” is the perfect moment to be, because the “now” you know now, is something you wouldn’t have otherwise known. So let’s just keep driving ahead, faster and bolder, increasing the gear and accelerating the pedal yet being completely aware of when to push the brake. And yes, the rear-view mirror might fog every now and then, and the echoes from the mountains of past won’t easily fade, the wine stains you wish not to have might remain forever. But, that’s when you know, you have learnt to drive, although faltering at times, but only to learn how to drive better.